Friday, April 27, 2007

Good Fences ... Still Make Crappy Neighbors

Heaven ... for me ... would be a world ... where everyone would be a good neighbor. They would keep their garbage in garbage cans (what a concept) ... they wouldn't have a collection of old, unworking cars in their driveway (as if they're Jay Leno on meth) ... and, most importantly they wouldn't act like a complete, raving bitch everytime you set eyes on them.

The medical district is a blessing and a godsend ... and all I have to say is, "Write me a check big enough to get me into another house, and I can be out of here this weekend."

And it seems such a waste of time
If that's what it's all about
Mama, if that's movin' up then I'm movin' out
Mm, I'm movin' out

Billy Joel - Movin' Out

Update: I was reading Blevin's Blog today (04/30) and ... now that I'm thinking a little more clearly ... I wanted to clarify something. In the big scheme of things, the best quality in a neighbor is the ability to mind their own business.

My issues aren't the garbage ... or the scrap yard next door ... although those are issues. My issue is this ... I keep my nose out of my neighbor's business ... and they don't appear to have the mental capability to offer me the same courtesy. There are only a few specific things that really piss me off. For instance ...

When someone is standing outside talking to a contractor, don't go out on your porch and stand there evesdropping just because you're nosey. If your neighbor hasn't asked you to pay to fix their fence ... or pave their driveway ... or mow their grass ... then keep your Rubenesque ass on your couch where it belongs.

Google that, bitch ...


  1. My neighbor only cuts their grass only after I cut mine.

  2. My neighbor is an enigma ... or, more realistically ... totally schitzo.

    Honestly, there are a few positive things I could say. For instance ...

    They seem to genuinely want to improve their house. If I had to guess, I'd say they spend thousands every year working on projects ...

    But it's as if they pick a project, work like they're possessed on that one thing ... and let everything else go to seed.

    Let's say last summer they decided to work on the kitchen ... well, the roof can cave in, garbage can pile head high in the driveway, they'll even have the OLD kitchen sink sitting in the front yard for six months. But the kitchen? Oh yes, it's nice.

    The problem is that they'll NEVER get ahead that way. They aren't improving their property value by putting in an expensive kitchen ... because now the siding has fallen off the side of the house, there are squirels living in the soffits, and four old cars have been abandoned in the driveway.

    So now it's the next summer, and they're going to work on the outside of the house ... and they fix the siding and paint ... and the outside of the house looks halfway nice.

    But, remember that roof? Oh yes, the squirrels have eaten through the shingles, it's rained inside ... and now they have to reinstall all the drywall, replace floors ...

    See what I mean ... it'll never end.

    And I don't care!!! If they want to throw good money after bad over and over and over ... that's fine.

    But then don't you dare criticize me for paying someone $20 to mow my yard.

    I'm serious, Shoo ... it's driving me nuts over here. I need to move.

  3. Anonymous2:36 PM

    Several of my neighbors burn anything wet, moldy, green, stinking, and then let it smolder all night so that the windows cannot be opened unless the wind is blowing at hurricane force. Makes for expensive utility bills unless you don't mind sweltering in a closed up house.

  4. Oh yes ... my neighbor and her friends burn green, stinky stuff too ... but I only notice it went I walk by her garage.

    Wait ... that's a totally different subject all together ... nevermind ...