Okay, it's not that I'm sick ... but I've got this stomach bug. I haven't eaten anything except bread in two days ... and I finally decided I wanted to come home from work early to try to wait this thing out. Hellllooooo, bad tv.
So come to find out, VH1 just started their new season of Celebrity Fit Club ... and they are really pushing the limits of the concept of "celebrity." At the rate they're going, you can expect to see me on there sometime in 2008. Let's take a look at who came off the bottom of the "celebrity" barrel:
Tiffany - Alright ... I can sort of see that. For those of you under thirty, let me explain. She was a pretty big deal back in the day. Mr. ThirtyWhat describes her as the 80's equivalent of Ashlee Simpson. Which I guess would make Debbie Gibson ... Jessica Simpson? Basically the same person only more successful?
Ross The Intern - Who the fuck is Ross the Intern? I have no clue ... however, he's adorable. He's like the gay friend every girl's had at one time or another in her life. He's like a teddy bear ... but still ... who is he?
Kimberly Locke - Okay, I don't watch American Idol ... so, maybe you guys will set me straight about what a beloved contestant she was. But from an outsider's perspective ... what the hell? This girl didn't even win ... so how can she possibly be considered a celebrity?
Dustin Diamond - Oh yes, we've chatted about Dustin before. Let me assure you, if you were under the impression that Dustin is an asshole ... you were not misled. Sunday was just the season premiere ... but he went out of the way to show us just how much of an asshole he's going to be. I might just watch the show to see if the other contestants rise up to smite the evil that is Screech.
Maureen McCormick - Who doesn't love Marsha? Marsha Marsha Marsha! The odd thing is that Maureen seems so kind ... yet she looks just like one of my cousins ... who's a complete and total bitch. So, it's almost like watching the "mirror universe" version of my cousin ... so, hey, that should be fun.
Warren G - Huh? Apparently he had a Grammy nominated song? Okay ... I guess I really am getting old cause I've got no idea who this dude is. He seems like a sincere enough guy ... so ... odds are that he won't be the one who finally bludgeons Dustin to death with his own fat ass.
Cletus T Judd - he's apparently the Weird Al of country music. Looks like he may be one of the few actual celebrities on this train wreck. Unfortunately, since I'm not a huge country music fan, it's completely lost on me. I like him though ... at this point, I hope he wins ... simply because he pissed off Dustin by calling him "Screech" ... and that's good television, my friend.
Da Brat - I didn't care for her on Surreal Life last year ... and I care even less for her now. I don't believe she's as obnoxious as she acts ... it's just her shtick. And that's okay ... as long as she directs those streams of obscenities towards Dustin, I'll have my TiVo ready every Sunday night ...
Than watch T.V. and have a couple of brews
Don't talk about anything else
We don't wanna know!
To our favorite shows!
Black Flag - TV Party