Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Welcome to the Church of ThirtyWhat ...


[Begin soft organ music] Brothers and sisters ... I stand before you today ... a broken woman with a heavy heart. A heart full of guilt ... a heart full of sorrow ... a heart full of cholesterol.

I must confess ... I was tempted. Tempted by the chicken made flesh. [Cue tears ala Swaggart] I ... have ... sinned.

[Organ music builds] It's true! I innocently went to vote last night about 6:30 ... and I was led astray. Led astray by a $2.99 Breakaway Basket and perditious pups of cornmeal goodness.

And so I ask your forgiveness ... and ask that you bow your heads as I read from the good book of Wesson ... [Organ music softens]

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the 25 cent shrimp,
I will fear no evil: For my debit card is with me;
Thy peg leg and thy hush puppies, they comfort me.
Thou preparest an uncomfortable plastic booth before me
In the presence of friends and neighbors;
Thou smear-eth my hands with oil;
My cup of Pepsi product runneth over.

Now let's rise ... rise and begin again. Rise ... and be strong ... because, let's face it, people ... today is another day ... and things around here are already starting to piss me off.

Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered
What's been going on
Now that you have gone
There's no other
Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered

Squeeze - Tempted

1 comment:

  1. Idiot's Anonymous3:13 AM

    Thirtywhat said:
    "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the 25 cent shrimp,
    I will fear no evil: For my debit card is with me;
    Thy peg leg and thy hush puppies, they comfort me.
    Thou preparest an uncomfortable plastic booth before me
    In the presence of friends and neighbors;
    Thou smear-eth my hands with oil;
    My cup of Pepsi product runneth over."

    OMG. I sang the (original) version of this in choir... LOL

    ~Idiot's Anonymous

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