I am maid of honor ... make that matron of honor ... in an upcoming wedding. Therefore, one of my duties was to throw the future bride a bachelorette party ... which happened 48 hours ago on Saturday night. This ... is what I learned from that experience:
- Clubs are fun, exciting places ... if you are drinking.
- If you are not drinking, clubs are noisy, annoying, and expensive.
- The Corner Pub and The Office give free sodas to designated drivers ...
- Donnie B's Break Time and Funny Bone do not.
- Comedians are absolutely hilarious if you're drinking.
- Comedians are amusing at best if you aren't.
- Alcohol is prohibitively expensive ...
- Therefore, bring lots of cash.
- No, more than that.
- If throwing a bachelorette party, bring along one trusted "safe" man to be a designated driver, bouncer, and bodyguard.
- Be sure to buy the man who accepts this job a drink ... because if designated drivers don't have fun in general, rest assured that this guy is having even less.
- 39 3/4 is way too old to being throwing this type of party ...
- Particularly if the 39 3/4 person has to stay sober.
- Bring a camera with a LOT of disk space.
- Photos can and, most likely will, be used as evidence against you in a court of law.
- Designated drivers are almost never in these photos.
- Trust me ... that ... is a good thing.
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
Pink - Sober