It's as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The clouds have cleared and, for now, I can see the sun.
I needed to make some Christmas Eve/Christmas Day scheduling arrangements for the last couple weeks ... and I'd procrastinated to point of insanity. Things could've gone two ways ... easily and peacefully ... or horribly, horribly badly.
I didn't want to over-think it ... because there was no reason why it shouldn't be a peaceful, easy discussion. But then again there was every chance it was going to turn into the sob-filled screaming match it was last year.
Last year I pretty much demanded everyone gather for Christmas. And, to their credit, everyone did. There weren't any harsh words or negativity ... but there was a lot of tension and a few moments I could've lived without.
But this year is different. We have been through a lot this year. And I realize that not everyone's lives have been touched by the same grief and sickness and upheaval that we've gone through ... but we've lived it seven days a week, twenty four hours a day. This year has put a few things in perspective for me.
We all make our own reality. The decisions we make craft the kind of life we live ... and we have to live with those decisions. You can choose to stand your ground and demand to have your way ... you can refuse to bend. That's your prerogative. And as long as you can live in that reality you craft and as long as you can live with the consequences of the choices you make ... then carry on.
In the end, I can't fix everything. I'm not insisting everyone get together for the holiday. In fact, I think it's counter-productive and I'd rather we didn't. I want peace. Life is too short for drama and I've decided that if I feel like I'm swimming upstream then I'm going in the wrong direction.
I wish things were different ... I really do. But this way isn't bad. In fact, it's good. I do see sunlight ... and my only goal now is to stay in that sunlight as long as possible ...
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright, bright sun-shiny day
Johnny Nash - I Can See Clearly Now