It Doesn't Matter ...

This is a first ... two posts in one day.

I know this is ALL in my head.  I really do.  I know I should be okay with me ... and where I am ... and what I've done up to this point.   And I know me getting upset over something said by an asshole is stupid ...

Batman came in my office with the excuse of wanting to see the new MacBook.  He was fucking around with it and I said, "Hey ... be careful with him ... he's my baby."  He said in a snide voice, "That's weird ... I thought I heard you already had a baby." and I laughed it off and said, "Maybe I do ... but he doesn't have a glowing apple on his ass like this one does ..."

Which, for some insane reason, sent Batman off.  He went on this rant about how we women say we want "nice guys" ... but "nice guys" like him are alone while we're out running around with "parolees."  I interrupted him midway into this rant and said, "Hey hey hey ... stop.  That isn't true.  I like nice guys.  I happen to like nice guys a lot." 

He shot back, "I'm willing to bet you've passed up nice guys ... guys who listen to you and talk to you and were in love with you ... but instead of picking them, you were out running around with a parolee."

I thought a moment and said, "Yeah ... probably.  When I was 22 or 23, yeah ... I probably blew off someone really nice because I'd rather run around instead with my drunken friends.   Yeah, I probably made bad choices.  But I was young ... and I wouldn't do that now."

And then he looked at me and said, "Too bad women don't find that out until they're 45, huh?"

So ...

First ... I kicked him in the kneecap ... hard.  Then I told him I wasn't 45.  Then ... because I wasn't going to lose it in front of him ... I told him to get the fuck out of my office that instant.

How exactly is it that someone can find that one fucking thing that you're sensitive about and say the worst thing you'd want to hear?  So it's too late?  Nothing good can come because I waited too long to figure things out?  Yeah ... I'd love to go back to 23 and do it all over again ... but you don't get option.  Furthermore ... just because I don't want to go out with you, you get to be a hateful prick?  Fuck that ...

... it doesn't matter ...

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Metallica - Nothing Else Matters