Sunday, February 10, 2013

One Pill Makes You Larger ...

For the love of grilled cheesus ...

Last night about 7:45 my lungs started rattling and I decided I'd waited long enough ... I needed to get to prompt care.  Buuuuut since prompt care closes at eight o'clock ... nothing was going to happen until the morning.  Cue montage of ThirtyWhat coughing all night ... 

Seeing as how I couldn't sleep anyhow, I got to the main campus about eleven minutes after it opened ... only to find eight cars already in the parking lot.  Not off to a good start ...

Then I get taken to the back by the worst nurse in Sangamon County.  I know I'm prone to artistic exaggeration ... but hand to God this is the exact conversation we had:
Her:   Do you have high blood pressure?
Me:   Yes
Her:   Wow, this is high ... do you have high blood pressure?
Me:    Yes, I do.  What was it?
Her:   What?
Me:    What was it?
Her:   156/110 ... do you have high blood pressure?
Me:    Yes ... I have a kidney disease.
Her:    Okay, but do you have high blood pressure?
Well, chick ... if I didn't before ... I do now.   But wait ... it gets worse!  Because then we had this exchange:
Her:   So what brings you in here today?
Me:    Um, I've had a fever of 102 for about three days and I'm coughing horribly.
Her:   Anything else?
Me:   Ah, yeah ... my chest is killing me.
Her:   Anything else?
Me:   Um ... my throat hurts?
Her:   Anything else?
Me:    Well, my nose is running?
Her:   Anything else?
What the ... are you kidding me?  Is this a fucking Ashton Kutcher movie?  What part of that wasn't enough?  Am I trying to qualify for a "most symptoms" award?  Do you get paid on commission or something?

Thankfully the doctor was much, much better ... very sweet. The diagnosis is acute bronchitis ... and two drug stores and three prescriptions later I'm back in bed snuggling with my heating blanket ... watching Once Upon a Time ... exactly where I want to be.  

Well ... not exactly where I want to be ... but this will just have to do until the drugs kick in ...

'Cause I've seen better days
Been the star of many plays
I've seen better days
And the bottom drops out

Citizen King - I've Seen Better Days