Thursday, March 21, 2013

In Which I Prove I'm a Moron - Vol 2 ...

God, two days in a row of this.  I'm going to get a complex ...

I know almost nothing about sports. I assume it's because I didn't grow up with it? My brother was out of the house by the time I was five or six ... and Dad was more into fishing and working outdoors. But now that I think of it ... maybe I'm wrong. I spent a lot of time in my room reading and listening to music when I was growing up ... so maybe Dad was glued to the TV watching basketball and football?  Maybe he loved it? It's a definite possibility.  Wish I could ask him ...

In any case ... despite my complete lack of sports knowledge ... I paid $5 to join a March Madness basketball pool this year.  No no no ... stop laughing ... not the bracket kind. They haven't invited me to do that for years.  Not since that time I picked teams based on what city I'd rather live in ... and won.

No, this is one of those grids? You buy a square for $5 and write your name in a box. Then they randomly pick numbers and you are assigned two. You win money based on the score at the end of the game. Now, here's the reality ... until someone hands me cash, I will have no idea what, if anything, is coming to me.

The back of the page reads like this:

$5.00 Per Square
1st round games will be worth $2.00
2nd round games will be worth $6.00
3rd round games will be worth $10.00
Regionals will be worth $20.00
Semi-finals will be worth $40.00
Championship game will be worth $100
Up-to-date list of winners will be available at the end of each round
All payouts will be paid at the end of tournament

The hell?  $2.00 per game in the 1st round ... isn't there like ... 32 games in the first round?  And something like 63 games total?   Can you imagine the work this guy is gonna have to do that is running this?  Sweet Jesus ... it's got to involve computer programs and algorithms.  It might as well be black magic and witchcraft.

My numbers are 8 and 9 ... so I'm supposed to be looking for 8 and 9 ... every day ... on every game?  And it's not just a matter of looking at the score ... because the 8 has to be home and the 9 has to be visitors?   Yeah, that's way too complicated.  I guess it's easier once you get past the 3rd round?  I have no idea.   The Superbowl grid was so much easier ... four quarters ... bam!  Done.

I was laughing the other night with someone that if his team won ... I could make pizza ... if they lost ... I could make him a sammich.  And while we were joking around ... that ... is just about the extent of what I'll ever know about this mess.   Pizza = good.  Sammich = bad.

You want to know my involvement in March Madness?   Deadspin has posted an Ultimate Curse Word Bracket.   I'm rooting for fuck and motherfucker to go head to head in the championship, by the way ... but I think there's a chance balls could come from behind and take it all.  (Note:  Ugh ... I should mention that balls joke when I go to confession tonight, shouldn't I?  Blerg.)

I'm upper, upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
And I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
he social papers say I've got
The biggest balls of all

AC/DC - Big Balls

No comments:

Post a Comment