Okay, goddammit ... someone is shirking their duties. I don't know who it is ... but this has got to end. How many times have I come on here and said ... I have to learn not to shop when I'm hungry. How many? A few? Several? Dozens!? And yet it happens again and again and again ... and no one is stopping this from happening!
Let's take today for instance. It was a quiet, rainy day ... the perfect type of day for staying at home and getting caught up things around the house. Around ten o'clock, I had my first urge ... I should go to the grocery store and get the stuff to make a cherry pie. I talked myself out of this pretty easily. I had breakfast and got caught up on Game of Thrones ... did some laundry. Kept myself busy.
Then around noon it hit again ... I should go to the grocery store and get stuff to make a cherry pie and pick up some turkey to make turkey sandwiches for lunch this week. This one was a little harder to ignore. I thought about everything in the fridge and the freezer and the pantry and told myself a shopping trip really wasn't necessary. I had more than enough to get by for a few days if not the entire week.
By three o'clock, I was like a junkie. The tipping point this time? Cherry Coke. I should go to the grocery store and get stuff to make a cherry pie and pick up some turkey to make turkey sandwiches for lunch this week and get a two liter of Cherry Coke. My jeans and sneakers were on faster than you can say, "But, ThirtyWhat ... weren't you trying to diet?" Shut the fuck up, conscious! I'm getting my cherry fix on!
My trip through Shop n Save was like an indie version of Harold and Kumar ... without the weed ... or Neil Patrick Harris. You could literally plot my course through the store based on what food items caught my eye. Right in the door? Hot dog buns ... a package for a dollar. What a deal! Hmmm ... where's the bratwurst? There will be extra buns though .... where's the hot dogs? Hmmm ... okay so now frozen cherries .... oooooh, frozen pizza! This one has double cheese! Cheese? Deli ... deli turkey ... wait what are those over there? Cibata rolls? Fuck yeah I want ciabatta rolls!
Yup ... I made the full circle ... I went for three things ... cherry pie, turkey, and cherry coke ... and ended up spending $58 ... which, quite frankly, would've been much higher if not for my ability to stay thrifty while in the middle of binge shopping.
So it's over. I'm sitting here wallowing in shame ... drinking my glass of cherry coke ... eating a piece of cherry pie. Well ... okay, I don't feel a lot of shame about the cherry pie. But I do feel shame about the other $53 worth of merchandise I bought.
I think I need to enroll in some sort of program. One where I turn my keys over to a responsible party ... who won't allow me to enter a grocery store unless I've just had a full meal. Sigh ... do not shop hungry, kids ... unless you want to end up with a box of 200 freezy pops in your pantry ... and enough hot dogs and brats to feed a small army.
I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball
Don't stop me now
If you wanna have a good time just give me a call
Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)
Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time)
I don't want to stop at all
Queen - Don't Stop Me Now