Mean girls ... good lord. Do you not think we should be past this by now?
There's a woman in my building who was obviously a mean girl back in high school. Despite the fact that she danced to disco at her prom, she strives to keep that persona alive to this day.
I'm saying she's old ... old and mean.
The funny thing is that she's fighting a losing battle. It's pretty much a battle of "cool kid" vs. "mean girl" ... because while I'm not thin or tall ... (oh how I wish I were taller ... well, and thinner too ... but I can do something about the weight ... the height is a lost cause) ... I do have a fuck you very much attitude and, believe me, it shows. Her passive aggressive comments and backhanded compliments do annoy me ... but more in a "Are you still here?" kind of way.
She doesn't work in my area ... thank God ... but she's been this way for as long as I've known her. I put up with her shit for quite awhile before we had our first come to Jesus moment. It shut her up for awhile ... until today.
See ... I have this kidney thing, which most people know about. It makes me cold a lot. I can't help it ... it's just an internal thermostat thing. I love air conditioning ... and I don't want it to be 100 degrees ... and I hate sweating. But I just feel ... chilly ... a lot. In any case ... around the office I usually wear a sweater or a hoodie of some type. She made it a point every time she saw me of saying, "Why ThirtyWhat, it's 90 degrees out! Why do you have a sweater on?!" or "I just don't know how you do it ... always wearing sweaters when it's summer!" I let it go for the longest time ... until finally I decided her choke chain needed a little tug.
We were in the bathroom and she started her normal, "Wow! You know I just get hot looking at you!" bullshit ... so I turned it on. Cue the sad Hulk music ...
degenerative ... kidney ... disease.
I'm cold ... so cold ... all the time. But ...
I hear that when I start dialysis they'll let
me wear sweaters there so ...
I guess I have that going for me."
Holy God ... it was awesome. She stuttered and stammered ... oh I'm so sorry I didn't know no one told me I didn't realize I'm sorry. And she practically ran out of the bathroom. Cool kid one ... mean girl zero.
That's been several years ago ... and apparently ... the lesson has worn off. Because today as I was walking in she said, "Oh, ThirtyWhat ... you've lost so much weight ... those pants just hang off you. Are you doing something special to lose all that weight?"
You ... bitch. Now you don't know me out there in cyberland ... but I haven't lost weight. In fact, I've gained some recently. My pants don't fit well because it hurts to have anything press against my stomach. So yes ... I buy my jeans big ... because then I don't hurt. Not that Miss See You Next Tuesday would know that.
So ... she and I are about to have another go round. This time, since I'm not going to be here that much longer, I may really play it up. Might as well make it worth my time ... see her squirt a few tears. Oh, I'm going to make this happen. The cool kid can become a mean girl. I fight my baser instincts when it comes to this kind of thing ... but she has earned it.
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
Before I put another notch in my lipstick case
You better make sure you put me in my place
Pat Benatar - Hit Me With Your Best Shot
I am not someone to give advice, and why would you take advice from a total stranger anyway? But as you've already described, a dressing-down is not going to cure this woman of her whatever-you-call-it. The truth is that nothing will, unless (and I hope fervently that all such people eventually will) she takes a look at herself with the same critical eye she seems so effortlessly to train on others.
ReplyDeleteYou've already tried putting her in her place, and that didn't stick, so don't you think that a doubled effort along those lines will do nothing constructive except make you feel better? Now, I'm not judging you for wanting to feel better. Goodness knows, feeling better is the kind of thing we could all use in our lives. But if manipulating her emotions (even if it's auspiciously to teach her something meaningful) makes you happy, aren't you (sorta sorta sorta) only bringing yourself down to her level?
I know, I know: without knowing her or you, who the heck am I to suggest such a thing? I don't know what you've been through. I don't know how many times and ways she (and others like her, darn it, all your life...) has quashed your spirit or what you had to do to bounce back. I totally agree.
But you bounced back. You're the strong one. Just by keeping on, you're showing people like that that they cannot truly hurt you. And you've (probably too many times to count, in ways nobody could ever really appreciate except others who've been through it) kept to the high road.
So, my apologies for butting in. But juuuuuuuust in case you were kind of thinking along those lines anyway, I thought I'd encourage you to keep thinking that way.
:)
Mom! How did you find my blog?! Kidding ... just kidding, scrivner. :) I know you're right ... especially since the last time I had words with her, it didn't stick.
ReplyDeleteIt's frustrating though because ... what makes a person think they have the right to make other people feel bad about themselves? She doesn't hurt my feelings or bother me ... other than feeling the need to swat her away like a gnat. But she hurts other people and it genuinely pisses me off.
So ... I will try to behave and take the high road as you so rightly suggested. If Mean Girls taught us anything, the only thing that truly changes these people is being hit by a bus ... and I doubt I'll have the opportunity to push her in front of one before I leave.
Kidding! I won't push her in front of a bus ... :)
PS - It doesn't matter that we don't know each other in the "real world" ... helping people remember to follow their better angels is always encouraged. :) HUGS!
ReplyDelete