Friday, May 17, 2013

The Road Less Traveled ... Is Frequently The Wrong Road

Ha!  Sometimes things happen that just make you laugh ...

Last summer my lawn guy ... whom we'll refer to as John to protect the innocent ... asked me on a date.   John wanted to know if I wanted to go to see some country music act ... and I nicely said no.  I had to come up with an excuse ... so I told him that technically I was still married and wasn't going to start dating until after the divorce was final.  And I didn't ... despite the fact that around September or October I reeeeeeallly wanted to ...

In any case ... I digress.   Time goes on ... and I was a little wary about dealing with John this season.   I was afraid of the inevitable, "So, you must be divorced by now ..." conversation.  But guess what?  He's getting married!  Sometime in July?   I guess?  Who knows?  I could give less than two shits ... other than the fact that I don't have to deal with him!

The cute thing is that he told me this news in a sad "awwwww, you missed the boat" tone of voice that genuinely made me laugh.   Let me see if I can put this conversation in written form.  This isn't a perfect quote ... but it's close ...

"Now, before I come over, I should tell you ... I have some news."
"Really?  What's going on?"
"Well ... I'M getting married."
"Really?!  Good for you!"
"Yup ... in July ... she's my first girlfriend ... and I'm MARRYING her."
"That's great, John ... I wish you the best."
"Yup ... I am MARRYING her ..."
"So you said ... that's awesome!  So, you'll be over this afternoon?"
"I'd never had a girlfriend before, and now we're getting MARRIED."
"No shit ... spectacular news, John.  So about the yard ..."

Sweet baby Jesus ... right now I could be engaged to an alcoholic who sporadically mows yards for a living!  What was I thinking?!?!   I could've spent my evenings making trips to the liquor store to buy rot gut liquor ... and ... best of all?  During the summer when he was mowing, I might not have had to pay for it!  Son of a bitch!  Does anybody around here have a time machine?!

Seriously ... I do hope he's happy.  But more specifically ... I hope my yard gets cut at some point this weekend.  Seriously ... just sometime?

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

Garth Brooks - Unanswered Prayers

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