Thursday, May 16, 2013

When is Thursday Really Friday?

Sorry for the lack of update yesterday ... I would've written something late last night when I got home but it would've been a chaotic, nonsensical combination of letters and numbers ... the occasional apostrophe mark and some Esperanto thrown in for good measure.  Gibberish basically ... which is what comes from working a thirteen hour day.  What follows below isn't a whole lot better ... but I really need to vent and let off some steam.  And, since I don't have time to schedule a massage or visit a shooting range ... this will have to do.

Tomorrow I'm going to conduct an experiment.  I'm going to spend 24 hours treating every other service provider the way I have been treated during this training school.   Here is the schedule for those who want to tag along and watch the fun ...

First thing in the morning, I'm going to stand outside my doctor's office and watch for his car to pull up.  Then, as he is walking in ... I'm going to quickly walk next to him and start listing off my aliments and aches and pains.  He will probably nicely tell me that he needs a minute to set his things down ... but I'm going to ignore him and talk over him.   And as we walk, I'm going to demand he fix me, coffee in hand, right there on the spot.

After that, I'll run by Starbucks.   I'm going to stand at the counter and when another customer orders something, I'm going to butt in and exclaim, "Hey!  That sounds good!  I want one of those!"  When the next person in line walks up and the associate is trying to help them, I'm going to butt back in and say, "Ooooooh ... I want one of those too!"  I'm planning to continue doing this for ... oh ... about sixty minutes.

When that's done, I'm going to go to the post office.  I'm going to walk up to the employee who has the most items in their hands ... I mean I'm looking for someone balancing box on top of box on top of box Dr. Seuss style.  Then, I'm going to aggressively approach them and attempt to hand them a bag of unimportant items.  I'm going to do this over ... and over ... and over ... until they either take the bag  ... or drop their own packages ... at which point I will declare victory and run away while laughing maniacally.

By then I'll have worked up an appetite.   I'm going to a restaurant where I"ll sit down, have a drink, and order a hamburger and fries.  Five minutes after placing my order, I'm going to wave the waitress over and say, "You didn't forget about me, right?  I'm still going to get my hamburger, correct?"   I'll wait another five or ten minutes and then stop her ... preferably while her arms are full of hot plates ... and ask, "Hey, not to bother you but I'm REALLY gonna wanna have a hamburger for lunch.  What?  We already ordered?  Oh, that's great!  It's just that ... I'm hungry ... and I'm gonna wanna eat a hamburger before I leave."  Then, when she brings it, I'm going to look shocked and say, "A hamburger?!  Why thank you!  I love hamburgers!"

Finally, before I head home, I'm going to run to the grocery store.  After checking the employees out, I'm going to walk up to whichever clerk looks the most exhausted ... someone who looks like she's run a marathon and aches from head to toe ... and I'm going to ask her to bring me something from the complete opposite side of the store.  I'm going to stand back by the milk and tell this poor dreg of humanity that I need an apple ... which is at the furthest point from where she is standing.  I'll tell her that I'm older than her ... and getting around is hard ... and it would be so much easier if she would go fetch me one single apple.

Now ... any one of these asshat moves might get me killed ... but just once I'd like to be the one making some sort of ridiculous demand  ... instead of being the person biting my lip so I won't yell, "Have you lost your fucking mind?!"   Sigh ... it has been a long week ...

Let the drinking begin ...

God damn my spinning head
Decisions that made my bed
Now I must lay in it
And deal with things I've left unsaid
I want to dive into you
Forget what we're going through
I get behind, make your move
Forget about the truth

Maroon 5 - Makes Me Wonder

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