Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Everyone Copes Differently ...

My best friend had MD ... or MS ... or some sort of advanced arthritis depending on which doctor she was talking to.  She was in a wheelchair and couldn't walk.  Her husband did everything for her ... bathed her and dressed her.  They were always together.  I'm not trying to paint some unrealistic soft-focus watercolor picture.  Their life was hard.  They quibbled ... sometimes hard words were said.  But she told me all the time how much she loved him.

So now she's gone ... and J has women hitting on him.   He jokes that it's because he has life insurance money ... as a woman, I know the truth.  It's because they saw how hard he worked everyday taking care of his wife.  Any small kindness from a woman is going to feel like heaven to J ... and those single women who knew them as a couple?  They know that. 

While Stoney was grilling out the other day, I offered to get him something to drink when I went in the kitchen.  It's not a big deal ... he gets me glasses of water or lemonade all the time.  But the first woman who makes this same offer to J?  She's going to get his undying love.   He's just not used to a normal 50/50 relationship.

So I find myself in an awkward situation.  There's a friend of theirs who is texting him and asking him to do things ... and he is flattered ... and interested.  He tells me he isn't ready for a relationship ... but that it would be nice to have a friend ... and that the attention she gives him is nice.

I refuse to judge him or think bad things of him ... he did so much for my best friend when she was alive ... I simply can't deny him happiness now.   But ... conversely ... it's a little hard.   I still find myself crying over stupid things ... like how she won't get to see Thor with me in November ... and selfish things ... like I don't have a best friend to share girly stuff with anymore. 

So, I encourage him ... with a secretly heavy heart.  This isn't a "women say one thing" issue ... I swear I'm not secretly angry or resentful.   I told him several days ago that he would know when it was the right time ... and that I wouldn't judge him if it was two months or two years.   Now I'm thinking a time will be coming soon when there will be four of us doing things ... and that does kind of make me sad.

Sad eyes, turn the other way
I don't wanna see you cry
Sad eyes, you knew there'd come a day
When we would have to say 'goodbye'

Robert John - Sad Eyes

No comments:

Post a Comment