Monday, July 08, 2013

Is It Time For Bed Yet?

A week or so ago, I was hanging out with Stoney and we were discussing the way we argue.  Not that we were arguing.   This discussion was more of a "here's what to expect" kind of conversation.   He explained that when he gets angry, he tends to ask a question ... and then immediately answer said question himself.  I can't lie ... it sounds equally hilarious and adorable ... an opinion I suspect I may not have when I experience it firsthand.

I couldn't really come up with a "how I argue" example.  Although I did tell him ... my character flaw is that I don't like to argue.  I will walk a mile out of my way to avoid an argument.  It's a habit that, I readily admit, isn't healthy.  I need to learn to discuss things and get them out in the open ... but I don't like confrontation.   I realize it's something I need to work on.

I suspect the problem comes from my first "serious" relationship.  With that one, there wasn't simply "arguing" ... disagreeing meant overturned tables and screaming and holes in walls.  So I learned pretty quickly to shut the fuck up.  Add that to my genetic compulsion to keep everyone happy ... and yes ... it leads to a lot of avoidance. 

So, why is this today's topic?  No ... it has nothing to do with Stoney ... or J ... or Tink ... or T ... or Idiot's Anonymous or College One or Mini-Moose ... or First Wife or her daughter, Wonder Woman.  No ... this one is all my Mom ... who is unhappy with me and/or something I've done.  I have my suspicions ... but she isn't talking.  Other than sending me an e-mail telling me, among other things,  that I'm just like my Dad ... which, quite frankly, pisses me off ... because everyone loved Dad.  I'm just like Dad?  Good!  Thank you for the compliment.

She hasn't acted like herself for the last two weeks or so.  Whatever I did was obviously eating at her.  Dad and I used to talk years and years ago ... more than once we discussed how relieved we were that she was mad at my brother ... cause that meant she wasn't mad at us.  My Mom gets upset ... and you can tell she's spoiling for a fight.  Well, she's stuck with me ... and a son who is several states away and sees her two or three times a year.  I won't argue with her and she can't argue with him.  I guess that gasket was bound to blow. 

I called her awhile ago ... and she was happy and friendly again.  I suspect she would like me to ask her what I've done ... but I'm not.   I am tired ... worn thin from these last two weeks.  I'm trying to comfort J ... J's trying to comfort me ... meanwhile Stoney's busy comforting the both of us.   Sometimes it feels like I'm barely getting through the day.   So if this one has to fix itself ... so be it. 
I know I need to be better about arguing ... or avoiding arguing ... but sorry, Mom ... it's not going to happen today.

Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll know by
Don't you ever ask them why
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you

Crosby Stills Nash and Young -
Teach Your Children Well

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