1. What item in your wardrobe do you wish was better-fitting? - Um ... all of it? I've gained some weight in the past eighteen months. I'm just really happy these days ... and when I'm happy I like to eat. Unfortunately I also like to eat when I'm sad ... or angry ... or bored. Pick an emotion and I can name a food that compliments it perfectly. It doesn't matter ... after the 20th I'll be unemployed and I have a top secret plan for weight loss. Syrup of Ipecac is cheap ... and I guarantee I'll be looking fabulous by Christmas!
2. What role in a play, musical, or television program would be a terrible fit for you but is still something you wish you could try? - I have always wanted to be Rizzo in Grease. I love her! So why is this a terrible fit? Well, she's a teenager and I'm ... not. Plus I can't sing. I sound like a wounded dog ... and no one would pay to watch me bully Sandy on stage. Although I'm telling you right now it would be spectacular! (Except the singing ... which would be the stuff of nightmares.)
3. Which furnishing in your home clashes most with the others, for whatever reason? - First, let me confess that nothing in my house matches. It's just a mish mash of items that serve a purpose. But having said that ... I bought a wall clock for twenty or thirty dollars last year. I thought the colors would compliment the colors in my living room ... especially the area rug. They don't ... and it is hideous. The only reason it's still up there is because I'm too damned stubborn to take it down. Now that we're talking about it? That clock is something else I should take to Goodwill next week.
4. What item in your possession are you using for something other than its intended purpose? - I have an old VCR that I am using as a riser in my bedroom. It lifts the DVR, Blu-Ray, and television up higher than my sound bar. I don't even know if I own any VHS tapes anymore ... and the VCR isn't even connected to a power source ... but it does a damned fine job of lifting everything about six inches.
5. What’s something others expect of you that you are just not comfortable with? - Everyone in my office expects next Friday that we'll sit down and have a margarita for lunch ... we'll sit around and sing kumbaya ... and at the end of the day, we'll leave with a hug and a promise to get together soon. I'm not saying it won't happen that way? I'm just saying that I feel more and more like Milton as the 20th approaches ...
Out of spite or jealousy
I don't steal and I don't lie
But I can feel and I can cry
A fact I'll bet you never knew
But to cry in front of you
That's the worst thing I could do
There Are Worse Things I Could Do