Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Put Down the Micro-Rubber Chicken and Nobody Gets Hurt ...

So I've been complaining (a lot) about our friend ... who made the impetuous decision to buy a house ... and then proceeded to not do anything for next 30 days.   We all prompted him to pack ... we all prodded him to clean ... but other than a half dozen boxes of movies, he's ignored us and spent his evenings either texting girls he meets on dating sites ... or complaining to me about these girls.

Well today it hit me ... could I be a bigger hypocrite?   He's driven me crazy with his lack of packing and cleaning and preparing ... and yet I am no better.   Today I started cleaning my office out.   I've known for over a year now that my job was going away ... that my position was being eliminated.  What have I done around here to prepare for this momentous occasion?  Nada ... zilch ... bupkis.

I have worked for this agency for twenty three years.  When you've been somewhere that long, your office becomes a second home.  Hell, I spent many an evening here just to avoid going home.  I have photos on the cubical walls ... binders filled with manuals for systems that haven't existed for a decade ... boxes of blank sympathy and birthday and get-well cards for a Social Committee that no longer exists ... spindles of CDs and DVDs ... steno pads full of meeting notes ... and a dozen award certificates whose bonus money has been spent a thousand times over.

I have power cords that I have no idea what they go to ... I have a broken digital camera ... I have several of those large memory cards that no longer fit anything.  I have a tub of toys that I used to keep for kids who came in the office.  Yes, it's true ... despite all outward appearances of disdain for  all things children, I always kept a fun tub full of stuffed animals and games in my office ... including a dancing hamster and a giant stuffed Stitch that actually talked.  When co-workers brought their children to work, the kids always knew where to find me ... and I always had something to keep them busy.

Now I'm looking at 23 years worth of knick knacks and flow charts and dust bunnies.   Sure, I have a lot to clean out in my house ... but this is a relatively small space and yet it's packed with so much stuff.  Who keeps a micro-rubber chicken on their desk?  Who?  I do!  Or rather I did ...

Oh, micro-rubber chicken ... it's just you and me.  Let's shred all this crap, go home, and make ourselves a drink!

I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy, too
I hope you're proud how you
Would grovel in submission
To feed your own ambition
So though I can't imagine how
I hope you're happy right now

Wicked - Defying Gravity


  1. Stephalopolis6:52 PM

    Does this mean Patty the walking mooing cow finally gets to come back home????

  2. Patty, the walking mooing cow, is home and on my bookshelf. She needs new batteries ... but other than that, she's happy and healthy! I'll take a picture to show proof of life at some point ... hahaha. :)