Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Thoughts at the End of the Day ...

So, you get to a point in your life ... where there is no denying it ... you are an adult.  But even though you're an adult, every once in awhile you still take a drink out of the milk jug when no one is looking ... you occasionally sleep on top of your comforter just because you don't want to make the bed in the morning ... and you eat off paper plates when the dishwasher is full.  I, myself, buy Chinet because hey ... I might be lazy ... but I am still one classy bitch.

By the time you reach the age of forty, you will have the odd muscle ache ... your back will hurt now and then for no particular reason ... but in your head?  In your head you will still be in your twenties.  In your head you are cool ... and why wouldn't you be?  It's not like you're old, right?   And you can keep this illusion up for awhile ... longer than most if you don't have children ...

But after awhile, you start to see things in your parents that you haven't noticed before ...

The first time was about a year ago.  I went to Walmart with my Mom ... and I noticed that she had trouble talking and shopping.  When she wanted to say something, she would just stop the cart in the middle of the aisle and say, "Did I tell you what your Aunt Bee said the other day?"  People would be lining up behind her while she told a story that could've easily been shared as we walked through the store.

Then the other day, she asked if I would go to Schnuck's to pick up a specific flavor of pudding because Shop n' Save didn't sell it.  I knew they did.  I had no doubt.  But I didn't question her.  I was by Schnuck's anyway so I ran in and picked up two boxes.   Today when we were at Shop n' Save, we were in the baking aisle and right there ... right there was the pudding.  She honestly looked confused.   When I took her down the frozen food aisle, she didn't know where the Cool Whip was ...  ... and she stood and argued that the cans of pineapple looked too big.

I thought it was just me ... until my brother came by for dinner.   He has very little patience with her ... and seeing them together tonight, it really stood out that there's been a change.  We were at Chili's and he casually said he was going to get a side salad with his dinner.  She argued that they didn't have salad.  He finally said, "Whatever, you're right."  I took the menu and showed her where it was ... and she said alright ... but seemed a little confused.   She takes longer to look at things ... she's critical of odd things she sees on television ...

It's a little disconcerting because ... I'm not old enough for this.  My mother shouldn't be having these issues.  She's not that old ... because if she's that old ... it means I'm getting old.   It worries me ... because I remember how bad my grandmother got.  She bitterly complained when they changed the shape of the Ensure bottle ... she made my Aunt take a dozen eggs back home because she "couldn't have that many in the house" ...

I'm hoping this isn't signs of things to come.  I'm hoping I'm worried over nothing ...

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older I'm getting older too
Yes I'm getting older too

Fleetwood Mac - Landslide


  1. I always remember the episode of Roseanne where her mother moved into an apartment in a senior community, and Roseanne said, "I don't want to think about you getting older, because you're just dragging me with you, and I don't want to go!!"

  2. That is SO spot on. For people like me who didn't have babies, nothing reminds us of our mortality like watching our parents slow down. I talked Mom several times today ... the first time to tell her about my interview tomorrow ... and I heard the same story I've heard at least a dozen times.

    I don't complain ... I just listen. I read something once that really touched me. The gist was that we need to be patient and loving to our elderly parents when they repeat themselves and stumble over easy problems ... because they were patient and loving towards us when we were toddlers repeating ourselves and stumbling over easy problems.

    At some point I need to call my brother and have a discussion. Not "that" discussion ... she's no where near needing to move or needing constant help. I just want to see if he sees what I see ... tell him to let me know if problems arise that I don't know about.

    Never thought I'd be the responsible one. When the hell did that happen ...