Sunday, September 01, 2013

Well, Purple IS My Favorite Color ...

I'm troubled ... conflicted.  I feel like a hypocrite. 

I've been sitting here ... enjoying my Sunday ... relaxing mostly.  I did a little laundry.  I cleaned the kitchen up ... wiping the counters and washing the dishes I used to make banana pudding yesterday. I ran a couple errands.   But, all in all, my biggest accomplishment is simply unwinding.

I've been contemplating a few things ... and I'm thinking I'm a bad person.

On one hand ... don't we love it when our men show emotion?  I'll never share things that are private and personal here ... but there are times in a relationship where we let our guard down ... and we let our loved one inside.  Times when we tell them we care ... or admit that we're hurting ... or tell them that we need them.  We're expected to do that.  Women are notorious for being emotional creatures.  But when a man lets you in?  It's a very, very touching thing.

And yet ... when J texts or comes over and acts all gooey and silly ... it irritates the bejesus out of me.  That makes me a hypocrite, right?  I should think it's sweet and wonderful that he's wearing his heart on his sleeve, right?

Last night, after J left ... taking every bit of romantic proclivity with him, I might add ... Stoney and I were sitting on the couch, bone-tired and ready to drop.  In the course of discussing his visit, I said, "Do you know what bugs me?  He sounded like a girl.  I've had these conversations with girls before.  And he sounded like a girl."

Now that it's another day and I've had time to think ... I feel bad.  How horrible I am?  Sure, part of the problem is that it's hard watching him forget my best friend so quickly.  But part of is that I'm befuddled.  Is this how men talk when they're alone?  I can't deny that, on occasion, I've called my best friend and lamented, "Do you think he likes me?"  But do guys do that too?  Does one man call another man all giddy and gushingly ask, "She says we should see a movie this week.  That's a good sign, right???"

If it melts my heart when Stoney kisses me on the head and says something sweet ... why do I become Hit Girl when J is around?  Why do I have this almost uncontrollable urge to tell him to stop acting like a pussy?? 

I'm thinking it makes me a hypocrite ... and I'm thinking it's something I need to work on. Especially considering I don't think the problem will be going away anytime soon. 

Man up.
He had to man up.
So he crawled up on that cross,
And he stuck it out.
And he manned up.
Christ, he manned up.
And taught us all
What real manning up is about!

The Book of Mormon - Man Up


  1. Girl friends tend to be better audiences for this kind of "I wonder if she likes me..." and "You think this is a sign?" talk. I've got a few guy pals with whom I _can_ get into it, but it's better with my female friends. Can't speak for anyone else, but there's me.

    And no: it's not something I indulge in very often. But sometimes I have to be reminded that I'm still dateable. It can be a tough thing to wonder, as you may have experienced.

  2. I suspect everyone has wondered, "Am I still date-able?" now and then. And whether it's me getting a divorce or him losing his wife suddenly, nobody wants to be alone.

    Having said that ...

    I think I would be alright assuring him now and then. It's the constant, never-ending emotional hand holding that is wearing me down. This latest girl has told him explicitly that she doesn't like to feel pressured by men ... that the last guy she met online wanted to be exclusive after the first date and she did *not* like that.

    After this last date (their second), I asked if he held her hand. He said no ... that she spent most of the afternoon with her arms crossed. He asked me, "Is that a bad thing?" I told him no ... it wasn't *bad* ... but it meant she wasn't comfortable with physical contact. He needed to respect her boundaries and *she* would let him know when she was ready for more.

    He's flat out ignored me and says he's kissing her when they go out for dinner Wednesday. Okay then. Good luck with that. Be sure to smile for the mugshot.

  3. Stephalopolis9:12 PM

    Ugh... Ferrill has been flirting with a girl online, and texting all this "should I do this or that bla bla bla" and then freaking out when he does do something and second guessing himself. He went out on his first date with this girl and called us at 12:30 am waking us up and gushing about it. On the one hand, yay for you. On the other hand, I'm sleeping, leave me alone, and stop whining/worrying.

  4. Wow ... so it's not just us?? For awhile, J texted me at 10:30 or 11:00 ... long after I'd have dozed off for the night. I guess he caught on after I ignored EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. Ferrill has a girl, huh? Good for him. If his whining/worrying is anything like J? Oh, hon ... you got a long road ahead of you.