Thursday, November 21, 2013

And The Moral of the Story Is?

Once upon a time, there lived a short but cheerful woman.  She was a woman of simple tastes.  It didn't take a lot to make her happy. 

This woman unexpectedly found herself in love with a man.   He was a man who, along with being handsome, smelled divine.  Every time she walked into his house, she smiled because everything smelled so good.  When she got in his car, her head would spin at how amazing he smelled. 

It might have been his detergent ... it might have been his aftershave ... it might have just been that he, himself, was born smelling like rainbows and sunshine.  But whatever the reason ... she found herself inventing reasons to hug him.

After awhile, she found herself in a perplexing situation.   On one hand, she was fortunate.  Since they didn't see each other every day, every time she did see him, the smell was a happy surprise.  On the other hand, she was a tiny bit forlorn.  Since she didn't see him every day, she had grown to miss that smell.

(Note: Yes ... our heroine has a
bit of a "thing" for scents.
You know how some women like a
guy's eyes or his butt or his hands?
Well, she likes smells.
Don't get all judge-y ...
just go with it ... )

And so ... after thinking on the problem ... she developed a plan.  She decided she would go to the store and buy some of his body spray.  After all ... a small spray here ... a small spray there ... who would know?  Right?

It took a little doing.  First she had to casually ask him what brand and scent he wore.  Then she had to go buy it ... and it wasn't exactly cheap.  But considering her plan was foolproof?   Whatever it cost was peanuts.

She went to the drug store ... put her money down ... and skipped to the car like a kid on Christmas.  Here was the moment!   Her car ... was going to smell ... like him.  

She sat in the driver's seat and pointed the can towards the back of the car.  One spray.  Hmmm ... nothing.  Two sprays.  Maybe ... no?  Three sprays?  There we go!   It was subtle ... but it was there.

Now ... had she stopped there ... like any normal, sane human being would do ... this story wouldn't even be a story.   It would be a secret that no one would ever hear about.  But no.  Because if three sprays is good ...

Who's to say whether it was four sprays ... or five ... or six ...

But in the end, she found herself driving back towards work ... her car windows down ... rain coming in ... trying to air everything out.  Her eyes were watering ... her head hurt ... but by God that car did smell like him ... if there were a dozen of him sitting in it.

She went back into her office thinking ... "I might have overdone that a little.  But that's alright ... the car will air out while I work this afternoon ... and no one will ever know."

Until she walked to her desk and her co-worker said ... "Hey!  You smell good ... you must've met your boyfriend for lunch!"

Sigh ... what did we learn, boys and girls?

If one is good ... two is not necessarily better.  Neither is four or five ... or six. 

Meanwhile ... I have to cut this blog post short so I can take a shower ... and start laundry ... for no particular reason.

I smell sex and candy here
Who's that lounging in my chair
Who's that casting devious stares
In my direction
Mama this surely is a dream

Marcy Playground - Sex and Candy

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