Monday, December 30, 2013

Totes McGotes

Something happened today which made me irrationally irritated for a little while.  I'm not sure why I had the visceral reaction that I did ... but I am proud of myself for putting up that filter and keeping all the bad thoughts to myself.

My cell phone vibrated with an e-mail alert this morning.   A friend of mine from my old job had written me a message on Facebook that said, "This picture makes me a little sad and I don't want anyone to see it.  Please take it down."  I couldn't see the picture ... only the message ... and so I went to Facebook immediately to see what she was referencing.  I couldn't even remember the last picture I took of her ... and I was both curious and alarmed about what she had found.

Now ... go back.  Re-read her message.  

Reading that sentence, what did you imagine?  It was an unflattering picture of her, right?  Taking a big bite of a monster burger?  In a bathing suit?  Sitting next to Kate Moss?   I mean ... right away you imagine this is a picture that involves her ... and it's one that she she doesn't want other people to see.

If it were that sort of picture, I would've had all sorts of sympathy and taken it down with speed and agility that would've easily earned me a spot on the Avengers.   But it wasn't ...

It was a picture of the door of my old office door ... covered in boxes.  One of my co-workers (not her) ... had made a fort around my office door of empty boxes before I got to work.   When I got in that morning, I got to play Godzilla and smash through them ... it was an absolute blast.

Not only did this picture not show her in any way ... it was taken a year ago.

So ... let's recap the situation.  Someone saw a picture of my office door ... from a year ago ... and it made them "a little sad" ... and they don't want anyone to see it ... so I should remove it

If you send a message like this to someone at nine a.m., please let me be the one to host your intervention.  Cause it's far too early to be drunk Facebooking and you should put the Wild Turkey down immediately.

Again, I have no idea why this made me irrationally irritated ... but it did.   Who the hell does this?  It would be like me contacting you on Facebook and saying, "You know that one picture of the car you bought two years ago?  It makes me sad and I don't want my friends seeing pictures of your car.  Please remove it."  See how insane that sounds?!  

Did the picture of the steak I had at Outback three years ago on my birthday affect you?  Did the picture of my boyfriend's Christmas tree make you cry?  What else can I remove to make your Internet experience more pleasurable?   Should I just stop taking pictures in the event that one of your friends would see the pumpkins we picked out back in October and kill themselves?

Seriously.  If I have you tagged in a picture that you don't like?  By all means tell me immediately and I will remove the tag or take it down ... whatever you like.  If you are in the background of a picture that bothers you?  Let me know.  I'm all about personal space and privacy and whatnot.  But if I post a picture of my new pedicure and something about tacky snowflakes painted on toes bothers you ... I suggest you hit the "hide" option and move on.

Did I take the picture down?  (Sweetie, remind me to put a quarter in the swear jar because ...) Fuck no.  I blocked her from seeing it.   It's a sweet, happy memory from a time and place that are now gone.  So no ... no, I'm not deleting my picture. 

I feel like this is one of those weird commercials with James Earl Jones and Malcolm McDowell.  Dude, you've turned into a monster.  You made me this way ...

Oh, won't you please, please
Take another picture
Please, please freeze my features
Oh, won't you please, please
Take another
I don't want to fade away

Quarterflash - Take Another Picture

1 comment:

  1. Robert1:25 PM

    Now, see... this is why I read your articles, you keep me rolling in laughter. Sounds like a ridiculous request, indeed. And you are right in leaving the picture up on your site, what harm is it to anyone else. Nice post, hope you and yours have a Happy New Year.