Friday, April 25, 2014

911 Transcript - Vol. 1

[Begin Transcript]

"911 ... what is your emergency?"

"I need help!!  ThirtyWhat is missing!"

"I'm ... sorry?  What?"

"ThirtyWhat is missing!"

"Please stay calm.  I don't understand. Who is ThirtyWhat?"

"She's a blogger.  She hasn't blogged since Monday."

"So this person has been missing for four days?  Do you suspect foul play?"

"No.  I suspect she's a lazy bitch.  And it pisses me off.  Can you send someone over to her house and ask her to stop goofing off and write a blog post?"

"You ... want ... wait ... what?"

"I want a blogger to write.  That's what bloggers do.  They write.  She's not writing.  I bet she's buying goldfish ... and watching sitcoms ... and going to bed ridiculously early.   She's probably eating pasta and planning zerbert attacks ..."

"I'm sorry, did you say zerbert?"

"Yes, zerbert!  Are you even listening to me?  Monday! She hasn't blogged since Monday ... and it's Friday!!"

"Sir, I'm going to need your current location."

"Me?  What about her?  Make her post some more polar bear pics!"

"We're tracing the call.   We'll be sending a unit ..."


"Sigh ... I need a new job ..."

[End Transcript]

Welcome back
Your dreams were
Your ticket out
Welcome back
To that same old place
That you laughed about

John Sebastian - Welcome Back

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