Tuesday, April 01, 2014

My Confession ...

I am not a fan of April Fool's Day.  I know that probably makes me a wet blanket ... but I figure it's best to be comfortable with who you are.  It's not that I don't like fun ... not at all.  I'm always making jokes and laughing and cracking wise.  But I don't get any pleasure from making other people feel stupid ... and I certainly don't like people making me feel stupid.  So April Fool's Day?  Not up my alley ...

I'm okay with little jokes on April 1st ... gags I guess.  My biggest pet peeve is the "tell someone you've been in an accident" shtick ... not funny.   A woman I work with was bragging that she told someone she'd hurt her arm ... then when they expressed concern, she said, "You must be a fish ... cause I got you hook, line and sinker!"  Wow ... frightening a loved one, eh?  Such wit!

Years (and years) ago, I was dating a guy ... someone my best friend did not approve of ... strongly.  We dated a month or two ... not long.  It might've been longer had we not been seeing each other on April Fool's Day.

I was at work.  It was my first job ... told you it was years ago.  I was just a kid ... only twenty years old ... working ten hour days at a bank.  I was stressed and exhausted as hell.   We weren't really supposed to get phone calls.  There was a "group phone" at the front desk ... and we had to take all incoming calls standing there three feet from our supervisor.

Someone yelled to the back, "Hey, ThirtyWhat ... phone call for you."  I walked up front and it was this guy.  He was panting ... "ThirtyWhat ... I need help ..."  I instantly panicked ... "What's wrong??  What happened??  Where are you??"   He gasped for breath and said, "I fell down the attic stairs.  I had to crawl to the phone in the kitchen.  I think I broke my legs."

I am so shocked I can't hardly breathe.  I said, "Listen, calm down.  Lay very still.  I'm going to call 911 ... I'm leaving here right now and I'll be at your house in ..."

And at that moment, while I'm talking, I hear him snort ... and giggle ... and then start laughing as if someone was tickling his ass with a feather.   I paused ... confused ... and asked, "Wh ... what's going on?"  Between gales of laughter, he says, "April Fool's!"

I was so angry ... angry at him and angry at myself because I couldn't keep from crying.  "Why would you DO that??  That's not remotely funny."  He was still laughing and said, "Sure it is ... it's funny ... AND I got to see how you'd react if I DID get hurt."

I hung up on him.  Everyone in my office had stood up from their desk and was staring at me.  I'd just stood there ... first saying I was going to call 911 ... then yelling ... then slamming the phone down.  It was humiliating ... and I walked out and spent the next 30 minutes in the bathroom hiding from everyone.  Yeah, K was right ... he was a complete ass.

I have a sense of humor ... I really do.  But April Fool's Day isn't my idea of a fun time.  Well, other than ThinkGeek.  I loved their "Mr. Beard" product this morning. They do April 1st the right way ... it's funny ... and nobody feels like an ass at the end of the day. 

It's not that funny is it
When you don't know what it is
But you can't get enough of it
It's not that funny is it?
Don't blame me!
Please, please, please!
I didn't wanna bleed so
I didn't wanna be this late
So don't make me wait!

Fleetwood Mac - It's Not That Funny

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