Monday, May 05, 2014

One More Time ... For Old Time's Sake ...

So ... today I had a conversation with J.   It started off with him talking about how much fun he had at trivia ... and then talking a bit about his re-kindled relationship with HHP.

I wrote back and told him that I had fun at trivia ... but there was a moment when I really wanted to just stand up, walk out the door, and leave.

His wife, K, was good at trivia in general.  But music trivia?  Shit ... she was the bomb when it came to music trivia.  Stoney and I even talked about it on the drive over.   Friday night, the last category was music.  They took a popular song and someone sang it in the style of a lounge act.  Different tempo ... different beat ... which is so much harder than just hearing the lyrics alone ... because the "wrong" music throws your brain off.

Okay ... so the words were ... "Precious people always tell me ... that's a step a step too far."  It's Culture Club ... Do You Really Want To Hurt Me. 

I knew it ... I knew it ... I knew it.   But I couldn't pull it out of my brain.  I was trying so hard.  And it came to me ... just as our runner reached the judges table.

I literally felt like crying.  Not because I couldn't think of it.  We all have those moments when we just can't pull a needed fact out of our brain.  No, I wanted to cry ... because K would've known it.  She would've totally got it.  She loved 80's music ...

The whole night felt weird.  We played this one last year ... and at one point Friday night it hit me ... "She was sick last year."  I remember she'd been feeling poorly ... and her doctor had put her on an antibiotic that upset her stomach.  She barely ate anything for dinner ... only drank a little of her root beer.  And I sat there Friday night wondering, "Was her liver already shutting down?   It was May ... she died two months later.  Was she already dying at that point?"

I shared those musings with J ... and speculated that my melancholy thoughts were because the anniversary of her death is coming up.  His response?  

He'll be spending that last week of June in Florida.  He's planned his vacation to be far away from here on week she died.

I'm not sure why that hurts so bad.  I don't necessarily want to spend time with him ... but I guess I thought we'd all do something together.   How could we not?

I know ... it's silly of me to expect anything from him.  He didn't want to celebrate her birthday.  On her birthday, Stoney took me to the cemetery and we left her flowers ... while J stayed home to put his new grill together.  His new girlfriend was coming over that weekend and he was so excited to tell us about it ... on his wife's birthday

So why should this surprise me?  

In the end, I don't think I'm surprised ... I'm just disappointed.  Again.

Everybody's high on consolation
Everybody's trying to tell me
What is right for me, yeah
I need a drink and a quick decision
Now it's up to me, ooooh what will be

Hall & Oates - She's Gone

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