It's weird to feel ... safe. It's a completely alien feeling to realize ... it's okay to ask for help. In fact, it's not just okay ... it's no big deal. The only person who thinks it's a big deal ... is me.
I got home last night to find two dozen gorgeous roses on the coffee table. Next to the roses were four, huge chocolate-covered strawberries ... and a beautiful card ... all early Valentine's Day gifts. Tomorrow afternoon, he's having Giordano's pizza delivered to our house ... a gift that's too extravagant ... but one that, honestly, I cannot wait to arrive!
And all these things are wonderful. I appreciate every petal on every rose ... every bite of every strawberry ... every piece of sausage and each pound of cheese that's gonna be on that pizza. I appreciate it all. But that isn't what makes me love him.
What makes me love him is every little thing that he takes for granted.
He makes dinner most nights because he gets home from work first ... and I love him. When I'm stressed and trying to work on getting my house ready to sell, he offers to do a load of my laundry ... and I love him. He offers to run by the store and pick up gummy vitamins ... and I love him. I love that he wakes me up so we can talk for a few minutes before he leaves for work in the morning. I love that he lets me sleep in on the weekends. I love that he warms the pancake syrup.
When we started, I didn't feel comfortable letting him do things for me. I didn't invite him to go along most places because I always expected to hear him say "no." But ... I'm better now.
Yes, I still have irrational fears, which he teases me about. Every time I take another step, I ask him if he wants to change his mind. "They're delivering my piano tomorrow. There's still time to change your mind." "They're picking up the bed at my house tomorrow. So ... I won't have a bed after tomorrow. There's still time to change your mind."
He hasn't changed his mind.
And I appreciate everything.
Dreams become a screamer
When they're messin' with a dreamer
I can laugh it in the face
Twist and shout my way out
And wrap yourself around me
'Cause I ain't the way you found me
And I'll never be the same
Well 'cause you
You make my dreams come true
Hall and Oats -
You Make My Dreams Come True